Thursday, April 4, 2013

coming to terms with the end

I realize that breastfeeding isn't a highly popular topic of blog conversation, but I haven't really mentioned it much in the past year and kind of want to get it off my chest ... haha.

So if you want to know my feelings on the subject, read on ... and if not I totally understand.  
While standing in the shower less than an hour ago, I glanced down at my chest and noticed a bite mark my lovely son had left only hours before.  We were sitting in his bedroom, playing, and he lunged forward and bit me THROUGH my shirt.  It hurt, I yelped, and shook my head no at him.  He didn't really get that he did anything wrong ... we have just recently started the weaning process and he still gets breastfed before bed.

Its those moments that I realize how ready I am for the whole breastfeeding process to be over and done with.  

But just minutes before I took my shower I was feeding Mason before bed and was literally reveling at how much I adore my son.  There is no closer connection between mother and son than breastfeeding.  I started getting sentimental at the fact that these private moments with my baby toddler are fleeting.

Looking back at the first few days of Mason's life I realize how hard it was to start breastfeeding him.  My milk supply didn't come in for days, Mason was losing weight after just a couple of days of being born, and when the milk finally did come in my nipples were bloody, chapped, and sore from overuse.

And then a couple of weeks went by and Mason and I got the hang of it.  And then a couple of months went by and I realized that I was chained to my baby.  I couldn't be gone for more than a few hours for fear of my boobs becoming too full of milk.  Or I had to constantly pump to allow for brief outings.  Not to mention the fact that I couldn't (shouldn't) take medication and couldn't (shouldn't) drink alcohol and caffeine.  Let's not kid ourselves people ... I definitely had my share of wine and beer and coffee while breastfeeding and didn't notice any repercussions in Mason.  I tried to be smart about it and drank tons of water and only had 1 cup of coffee in the morning and 1 or 2 alcoholic drinks after I fed Mason.  

It felt good to be needed ... I was Mason's only source of food for such a long time.  And then I loved introducing solids to him at 4 months because it gave me a chance to take a break from all of the responsibility.  

My favorite part of breastfeeding?  The constant weight loss ... the amount of calories used during breastfeeding was enough for me to continue my cupcake, cookie, ice cream, and any dessert obsession.  I'll have to put those cravings to rest once I finally stop feeding him ...

and on that note when is the final day?  I'm not sure.  We went down from 2 feedings to 1 on Tuesday.  I need to give my body a chance to realize that it can slow down/stop milk production.  I'm thinking by this weekend I'll try to stop feeding him before bed.  That should be tough ... it's been his bedtime routine since he had a bedtime routine.  The doctor said it best when he said "He'll get over it."  I may or may not have some sappy "goodbye to breastfeeding" post.  But if I don't, just know that I had a positive experience breastfeeding for 1+ years ... it was super beneficial to Mason's health and to our relationship.  But I'm ready to have my body back!



  1. I am currently exclusively breastfeeding my 5 month old son. Next month we will start solids and I'm honestly kind of dreading it because I feel like it's the beginning of the end of this special time we have together. I plan on breastfeeding until he's a year old if we can make it that long and I know I am going to be SO sad. I have secretly been so happy he rejects the bottle because I know every feeding is mine. I never thought I'd enjoy breastfeeding as much as I do!

    1. It's truly such a special time. Enjoy the rest of your feedings! It's gone past the year mark and cutting off his last feeding has been tough. Hoping we'll be done by next week!